Thirty Nine

On the occassion of the 18th anniversary of my 21st birthday, I’d like to take a 3.25 minutes to review the stats for my life so far:

  • I’ve been with Lisa and Jacob for 9.12054794505479452054795 years.
    • I can honestly say that 9.081532158016554 years of it has been pretty awesome.
    • We’ve been married for 6.795205479452054794520547945205 years
  • I’ve had the same cat for 17 years.
  • I’ve been legally elligible to drink for 6,570 nights. I don’t remember how many of those nights I actually drank, but I can say I puked probably less than 20 times.
    • This is only since I turned 21. Underage drinking gets expunged from your record.
    • It can be assumed that I’ve consumed 462.6 gallons of booze. (This stat is based on normal American per capita consumption, That’s 2.14 gallons per month. Jesus, America, slow down. It’s not a race. Is this why Rick Perry is so popular? You bunch of drunks!)
  • I’ve owned 11 cars
    • 3 were bought new
    • 10 were American
    • 1 was German
  • I’ve eaten 14,235 breakfasts, but I’ve only had 1,768 bisuits
  • I’ve lived 9 places (4 apartments and 5 houses) in 4 different cities, all within 60 miles of my place of birth.
  • I’ve voted in 5 Presidential elections. 3 times, my candidate won.
  • I’ve been to 19 states
  • I’ve had 7 jobs, with an average tenure of 3.4 years.
    • I better get back to work now or this stat may be in danger

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